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Blake Hamilton

Wit, whimsy, and hopefully a little wisdom too...

Affordability & Childcare

Canada Child Benefit

Blake Hamilton's promise

Rewarding breeders is alright, I suppose...kids are super expensive, after all...

Canada Workers Benefit

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure, why not?

Cell & Internet Bills

Blake Hamilton's promise

Also way too high

Childcare

Blake Hamilton's promise

Working parents could always use an extra hand

Employment Insurance

Blake Hamilton's promise

Necessary in case of cruel corporate downsizing

Food & Nutrition

Blake Hamilton's promise

Too damned high

GST

Blake Hamilton's promise

Good Sometimes Tax

Guaranteed Livable Income

Blake Hamilton's promise

Maybe, with checks and safeguards too

Living in the North

Blake Hamilton's promise

Horribly cold and expensive, but with its own charms

Minimum Wage

Blake Hamilton's promise

MOAR

People with Disabilities

Blake Hamilton's promise

Be nice to them

Climate Change & the Environment

Carbon Capture & Storage

Blake Hamilton's promise

With the environment being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we pledge to protect all parts of our beautiful federation that are not yet the property of a foreign multinational, and to fight the scourge of climate change accordingly:

1) To promote carpooling, we will make sure that the brake pedal is now installed on the passenger side of all vehicles.

2) Green cars are not available in sufficient numbers in Canada. This is why a Rhinoceros Government will force car manufacturers to build more green cars: forest green, pale green, khaki green and neon green.

3) Scientists predict that in the next 20 years, global climate change will threaten the very existence of humanity itself. We can do better! A Rhinoceros Government promises to make it happen in 10 years!

4) We will bribe all Weather Network presenters to announce only sun on Sundays, and less snow in the winter.

5) Use global warming to Canada's advantage, making the country more temperate, shortening winters, and thus create a new thriving agriculture industry in our northern territories.

6) Transport oil and gas in blimps instead of pipelines.

Carbon Pricing

Blake Hamilton's promise

Good idea, but make it practical and least burdensome

Effects of Climate Change

Blake Hamilton's promise

Undeniable

Emissions Reductions Targets

Blake Hamilton's promise

Have some, but they should be proportionate and realistic, without undue burdens to taxpayers

Energy Efficient Buildings

Blake Hamilton's promise

A good thing

Energy Grid

Blake Hamilton's promise

Modernize the hell out of it!

Energy Sources

Blake Hamilton's promises

Oh, the humanity!!
Earth, Wind & Fire. And don't forget our Nuclear buddy, eh!

Fossil Fuel Subsidies

Blake Hamilton's promise

Not really a good thing. Better to promote economic diversification.

Green Innovation

Blake Hamilton's promise

Hell yes!

Industrial Carbon Emissions

Blake Hamilton's promise

Should be lower

Low-Carbon Manufacturing

Blake Hamilton's promise

A good idea

Natural Gas & LNG

Blake Hamilton's promise

Fine, as long as done safely

Project Impact Assessments

Blake Hamilton's promise

Need them, but be smart about them

Shipping & Marine Protection

Blake Hamilton's promise

Save the whales, nuke the whalers

Waste

Blake Hamilton's promise

Oh, there's plenty of that around...

Wildfires

Blake Hamilton's promise

Get to the root of the problem and get rid of all trees entirely

Education

Apprenticeship

Blake Hamilton's promise

You're fired, Donald!

Job Training

Blake Hamilton's promise

With education being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to working with the provinces and territories in order to eliminate waste and provide quality education to all Canadians:

1) Replace teachers on leave with photos of famous scientists.

2) Provide higher education by building taller schools.

3) Mandate the acceptance of Monopoly money as legal tender for the repayment of all student loans.

Post-Secondary Tuition

Blake Hamilton's promise

Choose your major carefully

Health & Healthcare

Access to Abortion

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yup.

COVID Testing

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yes

COVID Vaccination

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yes

Future Pandemics

Blake Hamilton's promise

With health being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we promise that all Canadians will get their money’s worth when it comes time to enjoy our free healthcare:

1) We will reduce congestion in hospital emergency rooms by eliminating waiting areas entirely.

2) To counter the chronic shortage of doctors and nurses across the country, we will provide steroids to all current ones in order to increase their performance.

3) We will allocate funds for the development of a vaccine to protect future generations from traveller’s diarrhea.

4) Promote fitness among Senators and Members of Parliament by having them cross the floor daily.

Health Funding

Blake Hamilton's promise

Not just how much, but where and how too, to avoid unnecessary administrative wastage

Medical Assistance in Dying

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yes, when there's no other compassionate choice left

Palliative Care

Blake Hamilton's promise

Absolutely -- because the dying should never suffer

Pharmacare

Blake Hamilton's promise

Maybe, but share costs with the provinces

Review of COVID Response

Blake Hamilton's promise

Pobody's perfect... Always room for improvement

Housing & Homelessness

Homelessness

Blake Hamilton's promise

Do they still sell fridges in big boxes? Yeah, but the rents on those are outrageous!

Housing Prices

Blake Hamilton's promise

Seller's paradise, buyer's inferno

Housing Supply

Blake Hamilton's promise

Build more, but also fill empty ones too

Money Laundering

Blake Hamilton's promise

Use lots of fabric softener

Mortgages

Blake Hamilton's promise

Make them not too easy, but not too hard

Human Rights & Equality

Conversion Therapy

Blake Hamilton's promise

BAN IT. PERIOD.

Data Privacy

Blake Hamilton's promise

With public safety being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government is committed to making the necessary efforts to ensure total security for all Canadians from coast to coast to coast:

1) To help victims of identity theft, we are committed to providing a new name and a new date of birth to citizens who request it.

2) To ensure the safety of our children, we will require that the first names of all newborns be at least twelve (12) characters long, including a capital letter, a number, and a special symbol [ ! @ # ? etc.]

Gender Equity

Blake Hamilton's promise

Also yup.

Hate Crimes & Hate Speech

Blake Hamilton's promise

Only cowards and charlatans hide behind free speech rights.

The Blood Ban

Blake Hamilton's promise

Dumb, outdated, and discriminatory -- scrap it. Better & more testing instead.

Immigration & Refugees

Administrative Backlogs

Blake Hamilton's promise

Hire more people to get through them faster...d'uh!

Credential Recognition

Blake Hamilton's promise

Absolutely yes! Just pass an official language fluency test first and you're good!

Family Reunification

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure, within reason and with responsibilities

Immigration Process

Blake Hamilton's promise

Make it easier, but not too easy.

Refugees

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure, within reason and with responsibilities

Temporary Foreign Workers

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure, but don't be a lazy exploitative cheapskate either...looks for Canadians first if you can

Visas

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure. Mastercards and American Express too.

Indigenous Relations & Reconciliation

Drinking Water

Blake Hamilton's promise

Need and give it, but also give training and means to self-sustain afterwards

Indigenous Broadband

Blake Hamilton's promise

Absolutely. It's the 21st century, after all!

Indigenous Businesses

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure -- create more opportunities

Mental Health

Blake Hamilton's promise

Definitely more / do better

Natural Resources Development

Blake Hamilton's promise

Absolutely, with checks and balances

Residential Schools

Blake Hamilton's promise

An atrocity that should never be forgotten or ignored

Self-Determination

Blake Hamilton's promise

Meh.

Infrastructure

Infrastructure Blockades

Blake Hamilton's promise

Not that helpful

Infrastructure Funding

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure, why not?

Internet Infrastructure

Blake Hamilton's promise

Definitely needs to improve...it's not where it needs to be, and where it should be -- especially in rural areas. Get Bell, Rogers, and Telus to smarten up and not be so stingy!

Municipal Proposals

Blake Hamilton's promise

Hear them out

Northern Infrastructure

Blake Hamilton's promise

Definitely needs to improve...it's not where it needs to be, and where it should be

Small Craft Harbours

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure

Trans-Canada Trail

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yes

International Relations

China

Blake Hamilton's promise

Stop persecuting the Uighurs and being dicks in general...so we can buy your crap with a clearer conscience...

Human Rights

Blake Hamilton's promise

Champion them abroad while respecting them at home too

India

Blake Hamilton's promise

Play nice with Pakistan, please

International Development

Blake Hamilton's promise

Of course we should help, as well as helping ourselves too

Iran

Blake Hamilton's promise

Be nice to them, but don't take any guff from them either...

Israel & Palestine

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sharing is caring

La Francaphonie

Blake Hamilton's promise

Tout à fait, mes ami(e)s !

Religious Freedom

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure, but not an absolute...free to believe and worship, but NOT free to discriminate and hate in the process

Ukraine

Blake Hamilton's promise

Back off, Russia...you don't need to rebuild your empire...you're big enough already!

United Nations

Blake Hamilton's promise

Not perfect, but still necessary and useful

Jobs & the Economy

Agriculture

Blake Hamilton's promise

Farmers feed cities. Don't forget that.

Airlines

Blake Hamilton's promise

We'd need 'em, being so gigantic. So make them affordable for all.

Canada Emergency Wage Subsidy

Blake Hamilton's promise

A necessary burden

Charities and Non-Profits

Blake Hamilton's promise

Help, don't hinder

Competition

Blake Hamilton's promise

A healthy thing...monopolies suck! Especially that dumb thimble!

Construction Work

Blake Hamilton's promise

Need it. Just maybe not during rush hour, please?

Credit Card Fees

Blake Hamilton's promise

Meh.

Employee Ownership

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yes -- make workers stakeholders too.

Entrepreneurship

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure.

Hospitality and Tourism

Blake Hamilton's promise

Always good

Innovation

Blake Hamilton's promise

Usually good

International Trade

Blake Hamilton's promise

Need it.

Internships

Blake Hamilton's promise

More paid ones

Interprovincial Trade

Blake Hamilton's promise

Of course! Make it easier

Investment

Blake Hamilton's promise

Always good to encourage

Manufacturing

Blake Hamilton's promise

Bring more of it back to Canada

News Media & Journalism

Blake Hamilton's promise

More facts, less spin either way

Northern Economy

Blake Hamilton's promise

Boost and promote

Parental Leave

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yup. A year for both is good.

Part-Time, Contract, & Gig Workers

Blake Hamilton's promise

Here to stay, so deserving of the same rights and protections

Pensions

Blake Hamilton's promise

Make them decent and secure against corporate greed and mismanagement

Regulation

Blake Hamilton's promise

Necessary, but don't go overboard with it either...

Scientific Research & Exp. Dev

Blake Hamilton's promise

Science and lab coats are sexy!

Sick Leave

Blake Hamilton's promise

Should be a provincial thing, but definitely do it if some provinces won't

Small Businesses

Blake Hamilton's promise

Support them, but not at the expense of workers' right and dignity

Steel & Aluminum

Blake Hamilton's promise

Make and export more

Supply Management

Blake Hamilton's promise

Meh.

Tax Evasion

Blake Hamilton's promise

With Canada’s economy being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we propose several measures to stimulate the economy as well as reduce the burden on Canadian taxpayers:

1) Open new tax havens in all provinces and territories across Canada, thereby keeping foreign funds local and thus contributing billions of extra dollars to our eventual post-pandemic economic recovery.

2) By 2022, complete the full privatization of the Senate initiated by previous governments.

3) Bring in additional revenue by allowing corporate advertising in the both the Senate and the House of Commons.

4) Change Canada's currency to bubble gum, so it can be inflated or deflated at will.

5) Change the value of the quarter to thirty cents, thereby increasing the income of taxpayers by 16%!

6) Take Canada off the gold standard, opting instead to use a snow standard.

Taxation

Blake Hamilton's promise

A necessary burden

Tech Giants

Blake Hamilton's promise

Good to a point

Unions & Worker Control

Blake Hamilton's promise

Fine in principle...just don't politicize or shelter the incompetent

Mental Health, Drugs, & Addiction

Addiction & the Opioid Crisis

Blake Hamilton's promise

A serious problem we need to do more about

Mental Health Coverage

Blake Hamilton's promise

Should be included and covered

Mental Health Services

Blake Hamilton's promise

Definitely more

Miscarriages & Stillbirth

Blake Hamilton's promise

Tragic and sad

Natural Resources & Extraction

Aquaculture

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure

Fisheries

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure, within reason. No overfishing.

Forestry

Blake Hamilton's promise

Still very necessary

Liquefied Natural Gas (LNG)

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure

Mining

Blake Hamilton's promise

Also still necessary.

Off-Shore Oil

Blake Hamilton's promise

We'll still need for a while yet...plus profit-share with the relevant provinces and territories, because that's fair

Pipelines

Blake Hamilton's promise

Transport oil and gas in blimps instead of pipelines.

Public Safety & Policing

Domestic Violence

Blake Hamilton's promise

Bad, but not really up to the federal government to deal with...work with the provinces and municipalities

Gang Violence

Blake Hamilton's promise

Bad, but not really up to the federal government to deal with...work with the provinces and municipalities

Gun Violence

Blake Hamilton's promise

A problem to deal with, but not at the expense of law-abiding gun owners. Since most gun crime is done with illegal weapons anyway...

Human Trafficking

Blake Hamilton's promise

Do more to prevent

Security Infrastructure

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yup.

Seniors & Senior Care

Aging in Place

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yes?

Long-Term Care

Blake Hamilton's promise

Work with the provinces to do better...give our elders the dignity and comfortable lives they deserve

Senior Women

Blake Hamilton's promise

Grandmas rock! Give them all the love, respect, and support!

Transit & Transportation

Transit Investment

Blake Hamilton's promise

To a point. Municipalities and provinces can invest too; the feds aren't a charity

Zero-Emission Vehicles

Blake Hamilton's promise

MOAR

Misc. topics

Accessibility

Blake Hamilton's promise

More is better

Adoption

Blake Hamilton's promise

Make it easier and simpler. For all.

Broadcasting & Streaming

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure

CBC & Radio-Canada

Blake Hamilton's promise

Yes

Canada Post

Blake Hamilton's promise

Still necessary, but room for improvement and greater efficiency

Canadian Heritage

Blake Hamilton's promise

With Canadian heritage being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to defending Canadian values ​​and promoting our history:

1) Make “Sorry” the new official motto of Canada.

2) Nationalize bacon.

3) To create a more egalitarian Canada, maps will be redrawn so that all provinces and territories are rectangular like Saskatchewan.

4) Make illiteracy the third official language of Canada.

5) In order to be closer to the centre of the country, move the national capital from Ottawa to Kapuskasing, Ontario*.

*Or, alternatively, to Baker Lake, Nunavut -- just 40 kilometres from the exact geographic centre of Canada.

Financial Advice & Institutions

Blake Hamilton's promises

Service fees suck!
Always good to get

Government Ethics & Lobbying

Blake Hamilton's promise

Do better. Use common sense. Don't let lobbyists have any undue leverage -- should be more balanced.

Government Services

Blake Hamilton's promise

Need them

Government Transparency

Blake Hamilton's promise

Most definitely more and better needed! Citizens have a right to know.

Northern Devolution

Blake Hamilton's promise

Why not? Good enough for the provinces most of the time... The territories deserve equal treatment too.

Public Service

Blake Hamilton's promise

Need it

Right-to-Repair

Blake Hamilton's promise

Sure

Biography

submitted by the candidate or their team
A proud resident of Carleton Place for over 20 years, Blake is a wryly disillusioned patriot who’s fed up with all the other parties and their corrupt ineptitude. When it's all become such an absurd joke, why not vote for the actual joker instead?

Our current system is horribly broken. Utterly dysfunctional and hobbled by hyper-partisanship and inherent structural flaws in our electoral process. The big parties serve themselves now more than they serve us. Playing us like puppets while they consolidate more and more unchecked power. They are out of touch and no longer truly represent us.

I'm also tired of strategic voting as an alternative: having to hold my nose and vote for a party I don't like, in order to stop another party I like even less from getting elected. That's not why and how we should vote. Defeats the very purpose of democracy and the true will of the people.

Enough is enough. No more.

I’d rather run satirically to decry this absurd joke than to enable it any more.

I want another option. So do others. Instead of spoiling their ballots or just not voting at all.

At least we Rhinos are honest enough to call out this craziness, and to never make any false promises for the sake of getting elected. Quite the opposite: our only real, solemn promise is to never keep any of the promises we make if elected. That's pure honesty right there, without agenda or ulterior motive. We're the champions of truth, wrapped in a cloak of gleeful hilarity.

So send all the clowns in the House a message -- better to vote for us real clowns than it is to vote for them. Because humour is always better than anger or apathy.

Reason for running

submitted by the candidate or their team
To give my fellow disillusioned citizens & voters a chance to meaningfully express their dissatisfaction with our broken system at the ballot box: by voting for someone/something else instead, rather than spoiling their ballot, or not voting at all.

partyrhino.ca/en/candidats/blake-hamilton www.partyrhino.ca/en/candidats/blake-hamilton